my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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