did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize