Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
