i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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