i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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