so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
