Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hippo gnu deer
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
