i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
