Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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