we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
