you would pick up someone in the library
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
