so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize