i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
