last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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