i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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