i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
