How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
