Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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