Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize