So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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