I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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