And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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