remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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