He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
