Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize