i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
