Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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