I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
