I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
