yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
