Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
