Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
