I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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