so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
