I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
