Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Even my vagina gasped.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
