He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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