He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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