I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
