My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I puked a lego.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
