i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
