I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
