How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
