I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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