He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the condom got lost in my hair
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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