Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
