Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
