I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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