wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
