That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize