Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
