dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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