I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
