You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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