They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
