thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
