Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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