He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
