If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
