he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize