my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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