i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
