if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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