Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
