he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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