return my video game
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
