It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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