Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
