There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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