halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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