I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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